ON QUESTIONS OUT OF THE-NOWHERE

Sometimes out of nowhere - the ether, subconscious, call it whatever you want - there pops a thought inside this head, even at my busiest. Somebody whispers to me, "What the hell is all this for?!"

There was a time when this Question-Out-of-The-Nowhere seemed funny. Something to laugh at. Something that 'losers' who couldn't do a thing, sought refuge in.

But soon enough I got the feeling that I wasn't any longer amused by its recurrence. It got irritating. This question is hurled at my face time and again. And this has been the case for years. Coming up with an answer to the Question-from-The-Nowhere isn't a matter of counting chicken. I felt inadequate, as if stripped to the last piece of clothing.

You think I'm cooking a story here? I would hate to exaggerate.

I think it's safe in assuming that I'm not the only one indulging in these bouts of psychobabble. I don't talk to people about my weirder self. The ones I've tried doing that with, usually don't buy my stories. Anyhow, I'm used to that now and know for a fact that we all have these psycho-shadows following us that we can't get off us.

When you're asked by this shadow, 'Why?', people mostly ignore it. Convention and years of psycho-moulding gets the better of us. We're so in the World, that we don't even realise how outside ourselves we could be.

I've had my share of inner wanderings. I love the pictures that my shadow paints; the lessons I learn from it. I'm no longer bothered when it comes up with questions out of the blue. I see these queries as ways to learn things that somehow no one cares to teach. I've learnt a secret. I've learnt that it's best to tackle a problem right away, rather than letting it eat you bit by bit.

Oh yes.

I have finally come to terms with the reality that I'm part of a cosmic musical. The ups and downs are all part of making it a hit. And I love playing my part. The play is so very beautiful...in a magnificently ordinary way.

the GuyNextDoor